Trials Really Do Lead To Joy!

The past few weeks have been packed with some very high "highs" and some very low "lows". God has been present through it all and has been the soft, still voice in my head, saying over and over "I will make a way when there seems to be no way." My heart breaks for so many families in such uncertain situations right now. Many of them canceling trips they had scheduled to get their kids or go to court next week. One thing we have learned about Russian adoption is it matters very much what region you are working with and who your coordinator knows. We have been blessed to have a well connected coordinator working it a region that is favorable to Americans. And we have been even more blessed to have a God on our side that is bigger than any government and any adoption ban. Somehow, we were able to get our court decree early. How? Umm, God! This never happens because judges are not supposed to give them out until the 30 day wait is over. Now judges are not giving them until the Russian Supreme Court makes a ruling. BUT, since we have ours we get to travel on Sunday! Yes, its amazing news! There are still some really gigantic obstacles  though. We need a passport to get her out of the country. Our coordinator thinks he can get it, but we won't know until we get there next Tuesday. Also, the Supreme Court is apparently making their decision next week. Depending on what they decide, it could make the rest of our trip cake or completely, scary difficult. Then the biggie! Passport control at the Moscow airport. That will be on the 19th (18th PST) and we need loads of prayer that day. This is the adrenaline rushing, anxiety ridden day that I have been losing sleep over. There is always that chance that we could be detained for something like child trafficking and she would be taken away while we go to jail. I really try not to think about this much, but it does tend to weigh on me.

So, forward we go. The doors have not been closed yet so we will keep marching on. Packing is difficult. So many cute outfits I am so excited to show her and fun toys that I know she will love and I yet, I don't know what will happen. Will she get to see them ever? But I remind myself that this is not about me (I have to remind myself that A LOT). God continues to ask us to keep going and trusting so I need to pack my bags and be prepared for whatever He has next. This is His adventure and I am along for the ride.

A friend told me this week that it is such an honor to be chosen by God for such a great task because not many of us in America have to rely on God so much. Well, last night in the midst of a complete meltdown I told God that He chose the wrong person because I am just not strong enough for this and this does not feel like an honor! Then, I actually had this image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane crying out to God because he knew what was coming. I know, my situation is not even close to the same, but Russian prison is the worst thing I have ever faced in my comfortable life. Then it hit mein a duh moment! Is my life really for God? So what if prison is part of the plan? Now, for all of you who are now in a panic that I am going to spend the rest of my probably short life in a Siberian prison, I really don't think that will happen. Fear was consuming me and I had to give to God. We all have our idols that was mine, but when I gave it up God replaced it with freedom and joy!  Then after my vent session I felt peace and my head was completely quiet for the first time in awhile. I slept well and this morning I feel thankful. I don't know how that works, but somehow God is just there in our darkest moments.

Despite the sad situation there are lots of things to be thankful for. Oh, we have almost all our funding for this trip! God provided a big grant from a foundation. They even called an emergency meeting and let us bypass the normal rules because of our emergency situation. And the plight of Russian orphans is getting so much attention and hopefully good change will result. We feel closer to our family, friends and church as a result of all their support and prayers. We have learned even more about how much we need God and how much He loves us. See! God turns bad things into good and that gives me a reason to be thankful today!!!

Also, as I have been typing this, the latest news indicates that Russian may be back pedaling on their ban. They are now talking about closing adoptions in one year, but we hope for some definite news from the State Department tomorrow. Until we get confirmation that Russia will let us through, we are keeping our blog semi-secret. It can't be searched for and we are not posting it on Facebook so you will have to just check occasionally for updates. Thanks again for all the prayers!